Mom and Dad, Please: 7 Struggles Kids Experience after Parents Separate on a Bad Note

A happy and whole family is what every person desires. With a father, a mother, one or more children and sometimes the presence of extended members of the family living with them, you can already imagine how merry a house could be! The thought of gleeful giggles, laughter and shared love in a home is indeed a beautiful one. That’s surely pleasant, right? But unfortunately, not everyone has that, and one of the main reasons why is the separation of the parents.

Different goals, lack of patience and understanding, endless fights, a tough pride, third parties, falling out of love, financial conflicts, life’s obstacles — It’s really saddening, but truly, these are just some of the possible reasons why a married couple ends up separating. Getting a divorce or an annulment takes a lot of time before the process comes to an end and a lot of money to pay lawyers, transactions, changes in legal documents and many more!

While these processes take a certain amount of estimated time and spendings, there is actually a much weightier aspect that probably nobody knows the limit of. What is it? It’s the struggles kids experience after their parents separate.

Regardless if the children agree or not with the parents’ decision to separate, they are the most affected people in this situation. If one of their parents is physically harming the other, they might agree, but of course, there are negative emotions like sadness and anger that might be present even after the separation. If there is no violence like that and they totally do not agree with the separation, they will be even more and very much affected negatively! To help you understand it more, below is a list of some challenges kids experience after their parents leave each other on a bad note.

[1] LONGING

You can never blame a kid missing his mom or dad with whom he/she has a very good relationship with! When the children have no problems with their parents and the reason for separation is only between the couple, the kids will surely long to see and be with both parents. Bigger and older kids can choose to hide that which is also bad since they keep the heavy feeling to themselves. Meanwhile, little kids are more expressive because of their innocence or probably insufficient awareness; they tell more of how they want to see their mom or dad who’s no longer living with them.

The longing that children have towards the parent they want to see again can cause them to look back to happy memories. That could help them ease the hurt, however, often that leads to getting even sadder and to even more wishing that time goes back to those day when everything was fine and blissful in their family.

[2] TONS OF ADJUSTMENTS

If it’s not difficult for the couple to just separate, it could be very difficult for children, especially when they value their family so much. Let’s not talk about the older kids but the young ones. Some people who do not completely think might say, “Oh, they’re still 6 and 7; they don’t fully comprehend it yet,” and they are just so wrong. Even little kids nowadays from a young age already understand a lot of things happening around them, especially in their home. Some understand even better than adults, so none can say that little children will not have adjustment struggles after their parents separate.

There absolutely are tons of adjustments to make. An unfamiliar set-up? Transferring to a new house? A new surname? Seeing the usual face no more? Hearing the usual voice no more? There are loads of adjustments for children, and they could be much more than the parents could imagine.

[3] SEPARATION ANXIETY

Having a bad experience of parents separation, kids might develop separation anxiety. This is when they become afraid of being separated from a person or persons. They might have a burdensome fear of being separated with the parent they have now and/or with their siblings.

Paranoia and a feeling of not having enough security might develop. They can get really stressed which might affect their physical health and functionality as well.

[4] ENVY TOWARDS OTHERS

Television dramas and movies show how a person from a broken family looks with jealousy in his/her eyes to people with a complete and joyful family. That’s how it is on the screen because that’s how it is in real life.

Especially for kids who experienced a complete family before, it becomes a big dream to bring everything back to normal. Envy towards others become crushing to the heart. Not only sadness but also a cold treatment might be given to people they are jealous of. Without saying, they might feel awkward being with them too.

[5] DISTANCE AND UNACCEPTANCE

One of the worst effects of parents’ separation to kids is them being hard-headed and rebellious due to their unacceptance of the new condition of their family. They might be filled with anger and discontentment causing them to be distant or to rebel.

This gets worse when kids are not helped to understand the parents’ case. Aside from the parent they are residing with now, other adults like their grandparents, aunties and uncles who are unbiased and truthful should help the kids in their adjustments and struggle to acceptance. If needed, the parent should consult a child counselor, a family counselor or any expert necessary in your struggle with the children’s feelings and actions.

[6] NEGATIVE NOTIONS ABOUT LOVE

Because the kids saw with their own eyes, heard with their own ears and felt with their own beings how everything was alright before the storm came into their homes, they might develop negative notions about things particularly about love. Yes, even at a young age, kids can have those, and they could bring them as they grow up.

They might become people filled with hatred towards women if they are boys and towards men if they are girls. They might have the fear or disinterest in falling in love, building a family and being happy! It’s sorrowful to look at the world that way, especially for kids who deserve love and spread love.

MOM AND DAD, PLEASE.

Even when kids don’t talk about what they feel and think, it’s obvious that they face struggles when the home is not peaceful, more so when it’s broken. When parents separate on a bad note, children are affected in bad ways, and another bad thing is that they often don’t show that they are. However silent, playful or innocent-looking they may be, kids do have worrisome struggles and challenges after the separation of their parents. Definitely, they must be cared for and looked after even more.

AUTHOR BIO:

Nicole Ann Pore is a writer, an events host and a voice over artist. Travel, health, shopping, lifestyle and business are among the many subjects she writes about. Through quality and well-researched writing, she informs and even entertains readers about things that matter. She is also interested in film critiquing and filmmaking. Giving all the glory to God, Nicole graduated Cum Laude from De La Salle University Manila, Philippines with a Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Arts.